Alternatives to Consumption

Before I go to sleep, I read. Why is this? Habit, certainly, as I’ve been doing this since childhood, when I wasn’t falling asleep to the sound of the TV. It’s a practice of pointing the mind at something, in this case, a book, which is an artifact created by someone else. It’s transporting my mind to this person’s creation, and, notably, not having to deal with whatever may be on my mind at the time. Easing the transition from being awake to being asleep by first taking one step of removal by way of art.

Sometimes I think this is bad. Like I’m avoiding something, or can’t handle staying in my own mind, or lack discipline. It’s fine to learn things and to be entertained, but why all the damn time?

But I haven’t been able to stop, so I’m looking for alternatives to consumption. Starting with now. I’ve put my daughter in her crib for a nap, and though she’s still fussing, she should be on her way to sleep in the next few minutes. She’s already rolled onto her stomach, usually a precursor to conking out. My dog is curled up on one of the big comfy chairs in a sun spot, already snoozing away. My wife is out snowshoeing. I pulled out Bolaño’s By Night in Chile, a copy my brother gave me during our recent family vacation to the Berkshires. I’m about 40 pages in. It’s got a black snake with a red eye on the cover.

There’s nothing wrong with reading Bolaño. At an earlier time of life, he was my favorite writer. This has nothing to do with him specifically. This is more a question of transporting my mind off to Bolaño’s Chile, and if that’s the choice I’m going to make on the way to my own siesta. My daughter is still fussing, and who knows if she will actually sleep, or if I will actually sleep, or just lay down on the couch for a while. On the baby monitor, I see her close her eyes and yawn and try to get comfortable. The dog hasn’t moved.

Option 1: Create

Instead of consume, I can create. Which is what I’m doing now. Instead of reading, I’m writing. It puts me squarely inside my own mind and life, rather than transporting me to Bolaño’s world. Certainly something worth trying. Indeed, I’m trying it now.